Members comments:

 =  good
Lynn West
[10.Jun.09 19:27]
Great stuff!

 =  it's Bukowski's fault!:))
Corina Gina Papouis
[10.Jun.09 22:28]
in one of his interviews he was talking about poetry and the greatness of it and how the practitioner (the poet)is weak and gutless...and I think this poem aimed to achieve that state of mind...
glad you liked it.

 =  PS
Corina Gina Papouis
[10.Jun.09 22:30]
this is a link if you fancy listening to it:

 =  I recommend
Laurenţiu Ion
[13.Jun.09 09:27]
this kind of poetry for the audience
because it's breathtaking like a good screenplay

You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics :)

 =  public
Marius Surleac
[13.Jun.09 12:44]
Good oscillating effect created by your poem, with forward and backward approach to the self indirect description. You fit well in the describing, without making it too obvious.

What doesn't sound too good is: "and their beer" / "and above them" - I would take out those two "and" - as it looks right now sounds like too much explanation. If you'd take them out, the flow of the poem will be improved.

Also, I would eliminate the "but" from "but no one’s watching" - I think is extra and its repetition wipes out the flow. And there's another "but" in the last stanza that can be replaced.

Anyhow, I like the atmosphere created and reminds me of old Pecs - a beautiful town in Hungary.


 =  Lost in translation
Corina Gina Papouis
[13.Jun.09 13:42]
This poem of mine :) I must admit, in my humble opinion, I believe that the Romanian version sounds better, however, I got rid of some 'buts' and some ,ands' or other unnecessary words. Hope it flows better now! Just like beer in Covent Garden!:)
Cheers Marius, thanks for stopping by!

 =  Laurentiu
Corina Gina Papouis
[13.Jun.09 13:44]
glad you enjoyed it! let's make every beer count! hey!:)

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