| = what kind of debt shall be thy poem? ;) | Marius Surleac [27.Oct.09 12:39] |
| well, I like your poem. It has a special flow and is very imaginative and meditative as well. The rhythm even if is not the same from one end to another, is good. I have to point though that I'm not sure with that "thine" - needs to precede a vowel from what I know, even if it has a vowel before. I'll be back! :) Best wishes, Marius | |
| = for me | Corina Gina Papouis [27.Oct.09 17:06] |
| the poem was the last part..i would have liked to imagine the prelude to it...but that's just me:) cheers! Corina | |
| = Thank you all for your thoughts! | Dan Moldoveanu [28.Oct.09 10:51] |
| First, I would like to thank everyone for reading and for your suggestions. Marius, yes it is true that thine is usually used before a vowel, but that is a rather flexible rule (it hasn't been systematically respected since... Chaucer's time, which is quite long ago). On the other hand, "thy" is usually attributive (ie. thy poem, as you said), but "thine" is predicative (ie. they were thine, as the verse goes). So I hope I haven't angered the Grammar Gods too much. Concerning the debt... it is a debt of blood. The poem reaches towards a sense of universal Justice, a law of karma where a hateful, damaging act does not go unpunished. Where even though we may forget the harm we did, remorse still troubles us from our subconscious as we "wander crazed with pain unknown"... Corina, I am not sure I understand your comment, but I'll attempt to answer nevertheless... The verses are not following a chronological order, and I tried to give a sense of the bird's life starting with the shot, the decay and the "resurrection" among the vines, followed by his regrets as her remembered his life prior to the event, finally ending with the debt he sees through his understanding of the "laws of the universe". I may sometime write again about this hunt, perhaps from the hunter's perspective... we'll see how that goes. | |