| = structure | Diana Todea [28.Dec.09 08:54] |
| As I was reading your poem, I noticed there are some interesting images here, but the structure of the poem makes it difficult to follow. Maybe because of too many words or verses that explain abstract ideas. My suggestion, if it's fine with you, is to re-read the poem and try to give it a simpler form so as to make it clear for the reader. See what happens after this experiment. Cheers and Happy New Year, Diana. | |
| = RN | Veronica Valeanu [21.Jan.10 14:21] |
| Diana is right. too explicit and sewn together. you could as well transform it into prose if a more condensed form seems difficult to be tackled down. you included those passages from Pink's song, unnecessary here. | |