| = feel | Patrik Andrei Voicu [24.Jan.10 13:01] |
| This poem it's just a feeling, not an amazing poem, just a feeling. | |
| = facts | Patrik Andrei Voicu [24.Jan.10 15:49] |
| now it's a poem ;)) | |
| = ! | Corina Gina Papouis [24.Jan.10 15:57] |
| could you please allow your readers to make the first comment on your poetry to which, of course, you are welcome to reply. i liked the idea of your text. I would have worked on it a bit... example: '..the emptiness inside you and it’s deep.' instead of this I would have said the emptiness inside you - an undiscovered cave (or something like that! - so, try to not describe it, instead give us an example of that depth!) i liked the ending, is bold. cheers, Corina | |
| = thanks | Patrik Andrei Voicu [24.Jan.10 18:47] |
| First,I'm glad you liked the ending, and about giving an example I know what you mean, in the future I will follow your advise. Thanks again for telling me all those things. Cheers to you too. :D | |
| = so, patrik | laurentiu ion [25.Jan.10 21:17] |
| oh, no, this sounds like a song. i didn't like it, you see, there are things that can't be trusted. ok, you discovered that absolute, arbitrary feeling - love etc, but this might be just an excuse. | |
| = opinion | Patrik Andrei Voicu [26.Jan.10 13:48] |
| you don't like it, I can accept that but the other things you said let's just say I don't approve you... well good luck to you. Patrik | |
| = :) | Corina Gina Papouis [26.Jan.10 13:58] |
| the first part resembles the idea of the song because it rhymes: I feel I can touch the sky And I don’t know why But I’m so high. let's try (....oh, dear, even this is rhyming...:P): i can brush the sky with your smile i think I might know why this feeling of high, an OD of you could this be? love or am I just crazy and drunk? variations of the same 'song'...trying to keep in line that ..feeling. hope you don't mind, Corina | |