| = time to choose | ion a [28.Feb.10 07:17] |
| this is the one i liked, although it's perhaps a little too frugal. i think you should follow this direction, concise, kind of dry, indirect statements, nevertheless able to suggest a bigger turmoil behind the cool facade. for instance, "By streetlight" might be another successful poem if altered along the same lines, perhaps something like: Phantom of lingering love My true companion only these words hidden from your eyes Dust and past "Always" i think is just an exercise in romantic writing, not very compelling otherwise, i find this pretty promising good luck! | |