| = rabble-rouser | Veronica Valeanu [16.Mar.10 17:10] |
| well, Emilian, glad to have you here! you have a strong poetic voice. a text reaching out, the reader feels like on a razor edge, but in fact the author really is on the mood's leading edge. some little mistakes to revise: line 3 -through 2nd part - [that that's the way] - get rid of a "that" part 3 - won't 4th don't / [whether you locked] would work better instead of[if you locked the door or not] 5th {since when it became important] - without "when" so, -definitely looking forward to other texts under your signature. VV | |
| = and.. | Corina Gina Papouis [16.Mar.10 22:34] |
| scrolling down through this list of emotions the text could serve as a roller-coaster in Alton Towers (quite a way up from Luton!)..it's daring, scattered with 'bitter sweet' imagery yet keeping close to reality. if those tiny errors mentioned above could be rectified I am sure the poem would benefit from its full appreciation. regards! (a student in Luton!) | |
| = re | emilian valeriu pal [17.Mar.10 09:56] |
| Veronica, Corina, I don't have acces to a computer during the night, so i revise the mistakes this morning. Thank's. | |
| = so | Veronica Valeanu [17.Mar.10 13:31] |
| Emilian, i shouldn't overlook the fact that you master so well the stream of consciousness. - that's also what i've noticed about your other texts (the Romanian page) - and you don't focus on that, allowing blanks in thinkinng - in this way it can function like a binding material for different realities. | |
| = veronica | emilian valeriu pal [17.Mar.10 16:39] |
| I have to admite: it's a little bit weird to feel in one language and to write it in another one. Also it's weird to read me in a language that is not mine. Thank's again. | |
| = a bit south | Motoc Lavinia [17.Mar.10 18:39] |
| I see the idea, although covered up in a pile of sentences stiched up with lots of ' and' . Good luck with brushing and all the ' after ' work! | |