| = version | Veronica Valeanu [22.Mar.11 09:02] |
| i found in this poem its very essence, eliminated parts that were stagnating or didn't quite help it grow, condensed it a little bit. in the end i replaced [before leaving again] with [before hitting the ground] which i find dramatic, perfectly corresponding to the first part of the text. i hope you like this version & put it there. cheers, VV Heavy snowflakes whitening the city, the eyelashes of the beauties with marbled headscarfs March finds me in the old city drinking the tea, porcelain Samovar The sounds of Santoor are following the exhausted letters tired of the shades of the clerics There is this poet longing to embrace a bowed orphan before hitting the ground | |