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Corina Gina Papouis
[04.Dec.13 23:51]
I understand this is a translation? ok. I guess you need to choose either rhyme or no rhyme at all. Mixing it up is a no-no (unless the meaning of it is playing with the shape of the poem, which is not the case).
Secondly the grammar needs some polishing although I understand it has been induced by rhyming:
if you give up when all is fine,
you will lose support divine (divine support!)
all in all I believe you need to review it and come back with either a different shape or a different rhythm.


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