| = my opinion ... too much "maybe" | Marius Surleac [20.May.08 23:11] |
| First of all, maybe you wanted to say "maybe" instead of "mybe" in the title. Second, the poem looks interesting though I can find it more as "personals", because reflects exactly your thoughts and indecisions that need to be solved in life. Third, my opinion is there's too much "maybe" - the repetition is well used when is not too much, when needs to point something - but not too closer; I think that if you'll take off few "maybe"s will look better and also will sound better for the readers. But as I said, this is my only opinion and you choose wherever you will let it like that or something else. Hope you don't mind. Cheers from Marius! | |
| = changed | Muresan Laura [21.May.08 03:47] |
| how about now? | |
| = now it looks much better... | Marius Surleac [21.May.08 09:21] |
| Now it looks better, more soft and clearer - as you texts are. The best part from the poem is the next image "while my eyes are an ocean in which my dreams…/are reflected" - powerful aspects, though the end of the poem reflects the level of the emotions, the pathos ... the muse spreading its dust on your ideas. Great! Waiting for new texts!!! Cheers from Marius! | |
| = :) | Muresan Laura [21.May.08 12:00] |
| thanks Marius for the tips and comments | |