Members comments:

= welcome new member!
Marius Surleac
[22.Jun.08 15:10]
First of all, welcome new member.

Secondly, I read the text without stopping and I found out that you manoeuvre very well the English language. The text is quite interesting though, you really depicted every square inch from the pictures you've draw between words.
The imagery is great, every detail is meant not to be forgotten, the idea as well showed me a sort of black humour but also some serious things. I like the way how you invoked the bright shape of little girl's soul behaviour - pity that she understood wrong what Ms. Nicholson transmitted to her: she wanted to do something good but it turns to be wrong, which she realizes at the end, after the fact is consumed.

I really liked it the whole progress of the text's idea.

Though I have to point out few minor mistakes: there is “Together Mommy and I moved the sword to the man's neck” instead of “Mommy and me” and I think that will be better if you use “Instead that, I had made things worse” instead of “That, instead, I had made things worse”

Best wishes,
Marius

= Keep up the good work!
damacus daiana lucia
[14.Jul.08 23:08]
Congrats! You really managed to write the story as seen from the eyes of a child. And the story...WOW! Vampires are not my thing but I liked your story. Can't wait too see how will things look when Sylvia will grow up and completely realize what's going on.

No anonymous comments allowed !
In order to post comments and texts
you must have an account and then LOGIN !

Go back !

Warning: Unknown: write failed: No space left on device (28) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct (/var/www/dynamic/-agonia.v3-2/www/tmp) in Unknown on line 0

= welcome new member!	Marius Surleac [22.Jun.08 15:10]
First of all, welcome new member. Secondly, I read the text without stopping and I found out that you manoeuvre very well the English language. The text is quite interesting though, you really depicted every square inch from the pictures you've draw between words. The imagery is great, every detail is meant not to be forgotten, the idea as well showed me a sort of black humour but also some serious things. I like the way how you invoked the bright shape of little girl's soul behaviour - pity that she understood wrong what Ms. Nicholson transmitted to her: she wanted to do something good but it turns to be wrong, which she realizes at the end, after the fact is consumed. I really liked it the whole progress of the text's idea. Though I have to point out few minor mistakes: there is “Together Mommy and I moved the sword to the man's neck” instead of “Mommy and me” and I think that will be better if you use “Instead that, I had made things worse” instead of “That, instead, I had made things worse” Best wishes, Marius

= Keep up the good work!	damacus daiana lucia [14.Jul.08 23:08]
Congrats! You really managed to write the story as seen from the eyes of a child. And the story...WOW! Vampires are not my thing but I liked your story. Can't wait too see how will things look when Sylvia will grow up and completely realize what's going on.