| = Hail Power. Hail Peace. Sheika | Juan Felipe Parra [11.May.06 13:42] |
| Nice try. A really nice one... but you lack some strength. If you ever read the original 'DRACULA', by Bram Stoker, in chapter 4 and 7 you will find a lot of elements to make bigger the Servant-Master transformation... you know, when the normal persons become the slaves of a powerful creature? That kind of stuff. Another thing: avoid the loooooooooooooooooong phrases. Use punctuation to make it lighter. You can try to read the poem again after playing with a few periods over here, some commas over there, and see the effect it has on it. | |
| = Trying | Adrian Suciu [12.May.06 23:52] |
| Thanks for the visit. Yes, you're right, I feel myself the lack of power. The main problem is that english is not my native language, so I just keep trying to improve my abilities to express myself in english. | |