| = opinion | Marius Surleac [03.Feb.09 11:59] |
| "subdermal" instead of "underdermatic" would be more suitable. Anyhow, I like the imagery you've built here, the deep senses, the symbols towards times that won't come back, the connections with the title - there's a path that needs to be found. I have to point that "mirabilia autosemantic" would give a better flow if inversed. Also, that "oh" can be removed - it doesn't help the poem. I have read all your poems in the page and I think you complicate yourself with the strong hermetic style - you can open it a bit. I like this style, I have a strong taste for it but I don't know how many would understand. P.S. From now on you'll be able to post comments. Pay attention to the rules of the site. Cheers, Marius | |
| = round game | Veronica Valeanu [03.Feb.09 13:20] |
| many thanks for fusing all those senses. i admit I changed [subdermal] for [underdermatic]just to intensify that unbearable, prolonged sensation ( the sound makes you freeze). You are right about reversing. I am going to change that immediately. Letting that [oh] assure a rhyming climax seemed so necessary. For me it's like the impact of a collision. Conjugating rhyme with hermetic remains one of the greatest addictions I could find in life. I'm so far from being a Scheherazade, but otherwise poetry would enter my front door but won't find endemic reasons to linger humanely in my house. thank you for dropping by so soon. if I tell you something could you stay a little bit more? | |