| = interesting | Marius Surleac [10.May.09 21:59] |
| Interesting approach in this one Madalina, but I have to point out some dissimilitude: -Did you really wanted to use “lingerie” or “bedclothes” (anyhow the image provoked and the sense for the next line is nice: “every piece of furniture flesh guilt or fear” – very suggestive) -I would have used “friction point” or “warmth of friction” instead of “friction’s warmth” (doesn’t sound too good - as well as in the context) -“possibilities of leftovers” – you can use “possibilities of the remnants”, but I’m not sure of what you wanted to say with that “possibilities” Though, very visual and expressive the last three lines, as well as the fourth one. Cheers, Marius | |
| = . | nica mãdãlina [11.May.09 13:24] |
| marius, leftovers because it's about eating and the possibilities of not being able to finish the process. friction's warmth because I wanted it to sound like a friction, without any air, when you read it. and yes, I really wanted that lingerie. and yes, I gladly say thanks for passing by and for your time. | |
| = ! | Corina Gina Papouis [11.May.09 20:52] |
| I think this poem is like a breath of fresh air... it's fast and simple yet the complexity of author's thought comes through brilliantly. The ‘numbness of an afternoon’ and it’s beautiful domain are well encapsulated here. cheers, Corina | |
| = . | nica mãdãlina [12.May.09 18:25] |
| corina, thanks for that encapsulated. it's exactly the kind of sensation I wanted to express. | |