| + When words impose, silence them repeatedly | Simona Sumanaru [12.May.09 11:26] |
| (bang bang) I wonder if that’s why they put silencers on guns. If you can’t really hear it, means it’s not happening?! Curing death sounds like a metaphor-deserving objective to me (either whispered or yelled out), despite the crooked pillars of the system. Your poem deserves a bunch of stars, I can’t give but one so here it goes. | |
| = Ion A | Corina Gina Papouis [12.May.09 12:54] |
| ..good text indeed...I would like to suggest something (and that should not, by all means, diminish the value of this text). The part with: 'if i wanna be one of the guys if i finally want our guys to win' I hear it: 'if i want(ed to) be one of the guys if i finally wanted our guys to win' I also don’t quite get the: ‘I wouldn't learn to be able (to ? something is missing, or so it seems) that death…’ otherwise, as I said is a wonderful poem and totally agree with Simona… Best wishes, Corina | |
| + dear Ion | dan marius [12.May.09 18:20] |
| "that death you can only cure with silence". it might be just me, but I think this is one of the best poems you wrote. It's sharp but intense, personal but objective and above all it ends with these beautiful, dark but powerful lines that I keep reading again and again... so Sir, my congrats | |
| = thanks guys! | ion a [12.May.09 20:09] |
| thanks guys, feels good to know is not as bad as a feared :) Corina, that stanza is sort of a bridge between the ironic first part and the somber last one. it kind of plays on that (overused) verse from Ode (in ancient meter) thanks again everybody and best regards | |