| = pantheism | Veronica Valeanu [24.May.09 20:35] |
| [until you manage] instead of [until you'll manage] - temporal clause + [you'll have already been dead} i understand that pantheism but the last verse is quite forced if you don't anticipate it - perhaps in the same stream of ideas I would change [sometimes I have a déjà-vu] with [...you have...} + [a gene mutation] with {your...] V.V. | |
| = thank you Veronica | Marius Surleac [24.May.09 22:30] |
| Veronica, you're right about that form of temporal clause. Have changed it, thank you. The rest remains unchanged - here's no connection with God, no pantheism. All the content of the poem is dedicated to time, and there's a personification of time, that's why will remain "I" instead of "You" - time's the first person. :)) All is about time and physics, theory of relativity and a strong cause-effect presentation. I really appreciate your point here. Cheers, Marius | |