| = promising | Elena Malec [12.May.04 20:25] |
| Anca, your poem is good and full of feeling; what you need to do is, in my opinion, review some grammar issues like " neither..nor" and "either... or". I would suggest you try thinking and writing your poems directly in English(just forget any other language you know when you use English) and render your metaphors within the limits of the English language which is less rich in poetic imagery than a Romance language or Urdu, Arabic, Chinese, Hebrew. You may wish to edit a little bit: the vulture I guess is IT not he, "copse" is probably "corpse", etc. I would say "lonely as A bird" and not "the" bird. These are minor observations which do not affect the quality and beauty of your poem, and with a little bit of dedication you can work wonders. | |
| = Thank you! | Anca Mihai [14.May.04 17:14] |
| Thank you very much for appreciating my poem...I am glad I succeeded writing one such as this...It took me a bit of work and most of all inspiration and it was very hard to find it as my only inspiration that I have ever had is my mood whether is peace of mind, self misery or just happiness...About the word "copse" that you mentioned...I think it is an archaic word and it means "small forest"...at least that's what is says in the dictionary...I thought of saying "corpse" but I guess the view of a "copse" is far more picturesque than the one of dead bodies...Don't you agree?:) Anyway I will take another look over it and make some changes as you advised me to...Thank you again for the praises!:) | |
| = workshop continued | Elena Malec [14.May.04 18:09] |
| True. Archaic, indeed. To eliminate confusion, you may wish to choose a synonym or "copsewood". I see you changed the first line; then it should read LIKE A BIRD IN THE SKY and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW... Then take a look at: It sees how the world goes now And can’t stand in nature’s circle, Your life both are tied in bow As the water is in whirlpool. "Stand" refers to the world? If so, see also STAY, REMAIN; Your life both are tied in bow/ both? and As water in a whirlpool.(water, food, life, death, love in general) Use Google for clues to usage; it renders words in contexts or in the reference online dictionaries. Matching Terms: Cops, Copsewood, Copsy WordNet Dictionary Definition: [n] a dense growth of bushes Synonyms: brush, brushwood, coppice, thicket See Also: brake, canebrake, flora, spinney, underbrush, undergrowth, underwood, vegetation Webster's 1913 Dictionary Definition: \Copse\, n. [Contr. from coppice.] A wood of small growth; a thicket of brushwood. See {Coppice}. Near yonder copse where once the garden smiled. --Goldsmith. \Copse\, v. t. 1. To trim or cut; -- said of small trees, brushwood, tufts of grass, etc. --Halliwell. 2. To plant and preserve, as a copse. --Swift. Thesaurus Terms Related Terms: batch, bocage, boscage, bosk, bosket, brake, bunch, canebrake, ceja, chamisal, chaparral, clump, cluster, coppice, copsewood, covert, crop, frith, group, grouping, groupment, grove, hassock, holt, hurst, knot, lot, mess, motte, orchard, shaw, shock, slew, spinney, stook, thicket, thickset, tope, tuft, tussock, wisp, wood lot, woodlet | |