Members comments:

= what about that?
Motoc Lavinia
[30.Nov.04 18:24]
I kind of get your idea, but I cannot stop noticing some things that can be fixed in the favour of your poem.
The last bit is useless, it doesn't bring anything to the whole so the poem can make it very fine without it. I would take that part away( only if I were you).
Read this againa( do it for me, please):
'I am scratching my late poems on his cheek
Also tattooing my nightmares over him', does this not sound like a bunch of rocks kicking into one another?
I would make the poem breathe by airing it out of some useless words, especially link words( connectives) that will also bring a plus to the rhythm of the poem.
Thanks for listening.

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= what about that?	Motoc Lavinia [30.Nov.04 18:24]
I kind of get your idea, but I cannot stop noticing some things that can be fixed in the favour of your poem. The last bit is useless, it doesn't bring anything to the whole so the poem can make it very fine without it. I would take that part away( only if I were you). Read this againa( do it for me, please): 'I am scratching my late poems on his cheek Also tattooing my nightmares over him', does this not sound like a bunch of rocks kicking into one another? I would make the poem breathe by airing it out of some useless words, especially link words( connectives) that will also bring a plus to the rhythm of the poem. Thanks for listening.