I rushed out of that place where I once could find love, understanding, reciprocity, the one person in which I could see my very own insightful part, those frightened words which a soft hug further and they would become history. Couldn’t leave aside my tears for future events, it was then and it is now. Tripped 3 times, almost fell twice, on the point of getting hit by a car while not being able to see clearly. Yesterday I screamed for help, but wasn’t heard. I came home after a night of doubtable actions, slept until noon, woke up and thought I was dreaming. Still in that dream, known as reality I was crying. Pessimistic approach all over, wanted everything to simply stop, desired to forfeit my last breath then and forever. But… I just yelled a name and no one in sight.

....I thought you would be there for me when I needed you the most, but when the sun went out and the clouds came, you were gone...I was there waiting for you in the rain but you never came...I was calling your name but it returned to me as void as if it didn't exist...so here I am trying to find the light where there is none...trying to find someone to talk to but all I see is your ghost...now I'm trying to go to sleep, but you're still gone and I'm still here....

Didn’t make any decision, some conclusions where drawn after analysing certain facts, words, intuitions. Today, I…don’t want anything anymore. Vague looks, feeling less embraces, long needs of comfort were left trembling in the air, before a broken mirror, or just altered in time. Never in my entire life have I cried so much as I have in the past 3 weeks and 2 days and….7 hours…4 minutes…and still counting. I cannot go on like this, however I lack the power to rise up, do not find a good reason to smile, each of them are clichés.

It’s because I love, care, am sensible enough to be hurt by conspicuous mistakes, at least to me.
What should I do now?
Sunday, 07 October 2007
22:39:01