Comentariile membrilor:

= one winged?
Dan Moldoveanu
[06.Nov.09 21:41]
Hi Laura
I must say I really like your poem but there's one thing bugging me. The ONE wing. It may sound funny but I feel it somehow breaks the flow of your poem, a bit like a half-statement - you're saying that this angel lost everything - name, memories, friends... and then wing! why wing and not wingS? it's a shame.
the only explanation that comes to mind is that you were inspired by a statue (hence the sand tears when it rains)... but still the one wing sounds awkward to me. I humbly suggest you do something about it.
Otherwise, great poem... evocative and rather dark. Abandoned.
I like.

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= one winged?	Dan Moldoveanu [06.Nov.09 21:41]
Hi Laura I must say I really like your poem but there's one thing bugging me. The ONE wing. It may sound funny but I feel it somehow breaks the flow of your poem, a bit like a half-statement - you're saying that this angel lost everything - name, memories, friends... and then wing! why wing and not wingS? it's a shame. the only explanation that comes to mind is that you were inspired by a statue (hence the sand tears when it rains)... but still the one wing sounds awkward to me. I humbly suggest you do something about it. Otherwise, great poem... evocative and rather dark. Abandoned. I like.