It is quite silly the way my entire new built life is
being flushed away...And there is nothing or nobody to
blame but bad timing or bad choices or maybe the fact
that everything around is against it...me...
What is there more to do when there is nothing
done?When each and every single idea ends or dies
before even being said...It is so stupid to have your
wingh broken every fucking minute by things like time
or stupid necessities that are built or thought to
make our lives easier but so impossible to live
(excepting the fact that we are machines with no
feelings that are fed with money and stress and other
stupid things)...Nevermind...I've come to the idea
that the only way to be happy is to dream...but when
dreams reach reality they turn into pain and stupid
tears that solve nothing but make everything harder
and impossible to live...
I would only wish to stop feeling as I were alone and
forgotten on this stupid world, though in the middle
of so many people that step everyday on my shadow
making me wish i never were born, or that I never met
some people or that...who cares...
Maybe is all about choices...Because we alone chose
the doors we enter not knowing what waits us
inside...The annoying reality is that in the past 2
years (or, who knoes, maybe more) I have chosen the
wrong doors...I sometomes think that they are the
worst ones...And more stupid is the fact that once
entering a room you can never go back and enter
another one...I once thought that I was able to go out
of one and eneter another...but it seems now that i've
fallen even more and i went so far o this road and it
is so difficult to start another trip from the
beginning...I sometimes feel out of energy and willing
because it seems that everything I do hurts me more
and more every given day...
Maybe I should just consider my game some kind of
gambling and play other cards every day and every
night at another table...Because I don't think that
tehere is something else to lose after you've lost
all...Actually...after you've lost your faith and
hope...and willing to go on...Anyway I never thought
(not even a year and some ago) that I could feel so
empty and so torn appart...It is like thousands of
bullets hit me and they left unhealing wounds...I know
now for sure that I've nerver experienced a phisical
pain that hutrs so much like this one...And (isn't
that ironic?!)people tend to put first
phisical/material stuff...Why are we interested only
on stuff that has to end, die, finish, get old???
I sure don't know that and would never understean the
way people think and how small stupid things make them
happy...I wish I were alone on an island where things
don't exist, money don't exist, clothes don't
exist...only dreams that come true by only thinking
at them...
I sometimes wish I were in an endless coma dreaming my
dreams ...JUST THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!