They feed me guilt, they feed me sorrow,
And call my loneliness "tomorrow".
The fingers on the stone are shaking,
The temples of my mind are braking.
There's no more light and no more windows,
Just rooms with dark and aching widows.
There's no release, no freedom and no life,
There's only pain, a restless knife.
Behind your smile I see the sneer,
I hear your screeching teeth as you draw near.
I'm lonely in a crowded world,
To vultures I shall soon be hurled.
Walls are pressing from all around me
And dead dreams are struggling to leave me -
Unborn children of my ancient mind,
Conceived then when the world was kind.
My pain is bitter, as my taste.
My life is over and a waste.
I wish that I were numb and therefore you,
I wish that I were nothing, therefore true.
Outside those bars I see a flicker, still
I do not trust my eyes that it is real.
I do not trust my hand that it's been kissed
Or that my being has ever been missed.
I do not trust my tears to fall from my eyes,
But from some clouds above me in the skies.
And I don't trust my hair to blow in the wind,
It must be autumn leaves onto my forehead pinned.
You've turned the world into a hellish sight,
Where no one can distinguish wrong and right.
I'm sorry I am not the sky, the Sun, the Moon,
I'm sorry I am just an ember, dying soon.
Forgive me for not shining, for not being right,
For not disappearing sooner from your sight.
You see me from above the ditch, so small,
But if I were beside you, I'd be tall.
Forgive me if I am a fool and still believe,
But I shall do so even as I leave.
And even crushed by torture and dismay
I will still smile, I will still pray.
Forgiveness is no mere word, is love, so pure.
I give it all to you, if you are able to endure.



Julia Kretsch
6th June 2010
Bucharest