The Single

Are you one of the single people? Perhaps the title is not so good but till the end you’ll figure it out.

You must know that even though single people share a major common feature, the singularity, they are still “divided” into several categories. We have the Desperate type, the Wise, the Moronic, the Complainer, the Ignorant, the Spectator, the Contender, the Stoned and maybe more and all have their own particularities. But even so, the amazing thing is that to some extent they have in common not only their loneliness but also some of the others’ particularities. I’d like to think of myself of being Wise but I wouldn’t go that far.

Let’s take talk about them, shall we?

You know the Desperate! It’s the type of Single that would do anything to get someone. It doesn’t even matter how that someone is; what’s important is that is not Single anymore. They see the singularity as something evil, as a plague which is eating them from the inside and makes them outcasts of the society. For these people, being in a relationship is more like a status that gives them certain rights. I’m sorry to say but this is widely spread among women. Men are too easy going or too ignorant or too stupid or simply lack the capability of caring about this. At the end of the day, back in Stone Age, they were coming back from hunting or from other rugged activities rather then from the beauty parlor or cooking.
A Desperate will always act humble in front of a person who is either in a relationship or married; will have more than a shadow of envy in their eyes when meeting a couple. If you are a woman, watch carefully for this type. As I said they will do anything to get someone even if this means breaking up the friendly relationship that is between the two of you. She will always agree with the people in the couple (especially the feminine side) just because the other woman, perhaps you, in the Desperate’s opinion, was smart or skilled enough to get a man.
If you talk to this type you will realize she’s not necessarily into romantic stuff but into the goal of the relationship. When this type finally gets her pair, she suffers a tremendous mutation considering that she moved high on the society ladder and everyone who is Single barely deserves a look or an answer, forgetting completely that she was there not so long ago. Crazy characters, strongly recommended to be avoided.

Now let’s take the Moronic type. As opposed to the previous type, this is widely spread among men (I would say ONLY men but I’m giving women the benefit of the doubt). One can spot the Moronic type from a very long distance. He (let’s agree that it’s a he) will always have an affected attitude, considering that he’s “on the roll baby” and thinking that he can have any woman on Earth but he’s just not in the mood … now. One may be fooled by this cool first impression but believe it or not it’s not the case. He’s a pathetic moron that wants to be something that he’s not. He’s posing into a charming and intelligent, caring and understanding guy, but don’t be fooled. You’ll see it in the way he talks (limited vocabulary) and the way he walks.
Chewing a bubble-gum he constantly sprays you with spit and deafens you with his loud voice. Oh no… the Moronic cannot be silent. Even if you are 3 feet away he’s talking like you’re on the other side of the city. He strongly believes that women were created simply as objects for his pleasure or, if you add few misogynistic drops, they were created to be glued next to the stove or with the kids.
Picture the Moronic type in a bar. He sees a lovely lady and he goes to her. In his mind he’s the Prince Charming that any woman expects to meet and even though perhaps she’s in a relationship or she’s married (or she’s not in the mood) he will think that he’s the right one for … well, for what? You’ve guessed it: for getting laid; and of course he will fail in 99.9% of the times. If you lose him from your site, he will know; and he will come back with stories resembling the Roman orgies. Don’t take it for granted! For the fun of it just ask him questions and remember his answers. You’ll see that in time he will dearly contradict himself.
The Moronic type’s outfit: well, that’s a story. He’s either dressed with the shirt buttoned down to the belly or he’s wearing a T-Shirt that looks like a commercial for Repsol, Honda or who knows what other company. Usually, the Moronic type has his brains either in his muscles or between his legs. He thinks he’s the most successful, has the best car and he’s the know-it all – Alpha and Omega. Surprise, he’s wrong! Not only women are making fun of him but also men.
Interestingly enough is that he’s actually a beacon for both genders in how/who-NOT-to: how-not-to be for men and who-not-to be with for women. He’s a good term of comparison and it’s ok to have him around. Smart men (Geez, that’s something you don’t find every day!) will use him to realize how they should not be and women will look at him and simply think “I’m not that low, I can do better”. Eventually, for reasons beyond me, this type gets someone in the end and with patience he can be molded into something better.

The Contender aka the Complainer. Oh Geez, I have headaches just when I’m thinking of this kind. In this category both men and women are equal in size. They are the victims! All you hear from this type is complaining about virtually everything. Nothing is right, nothing is good, nothing is at least OK. They always think about themselves that they are the outcasts and all the bad things are happening to them and only them. They simply cannot see the forest because of the trees. If it’s sunny – it’s too hot, if it’s raining - it’s a nasty weather. If it’s night they want daylight, if it’s daytime they can’t wait to go to bed.
If it’s a she, then the one she just met, even though between you and me – he’s a nice guy, in her opinion he lacks whatever he doesn’t have. If he owns a Toyota then why doesn’t he own a Nissan, if he’s dressing more formal then she’d like something more casual; if he brings a flower – he did something bad, if he didn’t – he doesn’t care. If he’s having few beers – he’s an alcoholic, if he drinks juice – he’s soft.
With men in this category is the same: if she’s independent then she doesn’t care about him, if she calls him in the middle of the might telling him she loves him then she’s bugging him too much.
You cannot talk or negotiate with them: whatever you say, they will always go on with silly excuses. The word “but” is omnipresent in their vocabulary: it’s BUT . “I like him but he’s too tall” … “I wanted to buy her flowers but the shop-around-the-corner was closed yesterday”. If you’re into S&M you may want this type around but I wouldn’t recommend. They can seed stupid thoughts in your mind and give you painful headaches.

The Wise: well, now we’re talking! As opposed to the Moronic, this type really knows. You can feel it! It applies, again, to both genders. They are people who went through many relationships, ruined by them or not, but in general people who know how things are rolling. It’s like being in the presence of a lion: you can feel the strength, the determination, the sheer trust in their powers. If the Wise is a man he will never challenge you in a woman picking contest; it would be like measuring your forces with a heavy lift champion. He will kindly smile and pretend he’s weak just to make you happy. If the Wise is a woman she will help you through your worries and comfort you with kindness when you need it most.
They are cool and don’t brag about it. They are kind giants. They both know how to please the other gender and Geez, how well do they know that.
One can say that the Wise wrote the Romance book: he knows how to please a woman, knows what she needs even if it’s about the 30th pair of shoes that she wants to buy or is that “time-of-the-month” when he understands what she’s going through. He, the Wise, will never be tired to go shipping with her, will never have that victim attitude while waiting for her to try on the 7th dress in the 5th store, and will never be ashamed when he has to buy cosmetics with her.
She, the Wise, loves the man with all her heart, knowing what to do to please him, knowing that most men are big babies with big toys. She proudly asks for her reward and knows when to support him and back off if needed.
Still, to some extent, they are sad people; they’ve seen too much and they know that life is not a fairy tale. They had more than a sip from the bitter-sweet cup of love and they survived. They grew beyond Love Forever and they know how to enjoy life. Usually they are clear cut people and you’re stunned by their honesty and sincerity. They know there is nothing yet all to lose. They’ve learned along the way how to be Wise. They were hurt in a moment in time and they made the best out of it. Beyond this aftermath they got silent for a while; they listened and they learned. They re-discovered themselves and evolved just like a caterpillar evolves into a butterfly.
They’ve reached the unimaginable point where they can love the second AND the eternity. They love to love and they can fall in love in a split second, getting drunk of love by a smile the same way a bee is lost in a flower. They enjoy things beyond out imagination: a flower, a running river, a rock, a barking dog, a chilly sunrise, a gray winter afternoon, a summer rain, a color. If you are in a relationship they will seldom tell you that you didn’t take the right decision; but they will take it personally if you get hurt. If you’re in a marriage, they will support you in good and bad. This is the most reliable type of Single and even though it’s sad, it’s a treasure to have them around.

The Spectator – is the type that observes and sits aside and most of the times they are calm and cool. They usually aren’t loud and one can say they’ve been around the block. They like to see the facts of life, the facts of relationships and bonds between humans.
The Spectators are not extroverts, they are analyzers but not in a bad way. They just like to stay with their backs against the wall and watch; and believe me they see. Their sense of perception is way more advanced than normal. They see things long before they are out in the open. They see a look exchanged between a man and a woman, who just fell in love, they see the soft touch of their hands, they hear the change in his or her voice when discussing with the other one. They are like tasters of fine wine: they see the color, smell the aroma, and enjoy the bouquet.
The forbidden touch that they see is invisible to any other person, but not for them. They feed on others’ feelings and enjoy it like a secret candy. Sometimes they are happy: they see the first love between two teenagers, when he kissed her for the first time and she’s still blushing, still sensing his lips against hers; the love between a mature couple with kids around, when even if one of them is shouting like crazy, a loving look is blessed upon him. The Spectator is moved to tears when seeing the everlasting care between an elderly couple; he slowly breathes while watching them, asking himself “Will I ever be that happy?” Well, it’s all up to them.
But, unfortunately, they’ve seen too much. The polished-nails hand that touched a man’s hand belonged to a married woman. The kiss they’ve seen around the corner was between a drunken guy and a girl that was perhaps a Desperate. The tear in the eye the homecoming queen was for a Moron. They feel sorrow; they feel pain, knowing what’s coming next: getting hurt. Interesting type, the Spectator, is a story to have them around.

The Ignorant is at least curious. You look at this type and the first question that comes into your mind it “How is this type gonna have kids?” They go through life like a duck in a pond: the water simply doesn’t stick. They like to think that they have a unique personality, that they are free spirits and minds. Not even close! They usually live in a world of their own surrounded by bitterness and dream of what they would like to happen. They are too lazy to change anything and expect that something will fall from the sky and change everything, while having the “leave me/don’t leave me alone” attitude.
They look high and out of this world most of the times and it seems that romance and feelings do not exist in their vocabulary. You talk to them about what you feel, about your inner struggle and they just nudge their heads and ask: “What about them Knicks?” If the Ignorant is a he, will wear jeans and a common T-Shirt and will talk about cars, IT stuff and the latest gossips. If it’s a she, then she’ll wear the same T-Shirt and jeans talking about the same thing.
You cannot have a meaningful conversation with them. All chats will eventually end up with talking about weather and a raised eyebrow from you. If they end up in a relationship, you are amazed in how did they pull it through and how are they surviving. To some extent, you realize that their pair is either an Ignorant or a Desperate. But sometimes it happens that the pair of an Ignorant is a good person. Well, I don’t have to tell you how this ends up. Surprisingly, some of them, with a good kick in their behind, can wake up and be really great persons.

The Stoned is, again, another interesting type. May sometimes resemble the Ignorant but most of the times they are unique characters. When you’re interacting with them they seem opened but if you look closely you discover a big question mark: something happened along they way and they were just turned into rock. The fire within, the molted lava that ran through their veins became solid and cold granite.
At a glance they are cheerful persons, interesting and very well educated: they love playing with words (and feelings) and you will never be bored with a Stoned. They bless you with surprises beyond imagination, from a woman knowing how to fix an engine to a man that looks rugged on the outside but has a poet’s soul. They can make you laugh as easy as they can make you cry, because sometimes, just like giants, they are cruel and careless.
If you try dragging them into the fire they may join you (if they feel like it), if you play with them they may play along but beware, they will always have their protection, and the one getting hurt will be you. They don’t hide that much and they are very picky with the persons in which they confide. When they do though, a whole new world opens. At the right time (not for you though) they will say just one word which will turn your world upside down. These stoned giants can show romance and love and care but you cannot stop wondering if those feelings are coming because they want to or they feel to.
And then you’re wondering what happened and try to find out. Rarely will you find the sheer truth and very few people can say that they really know what happened to a Stoned. They usually spread this information (if ever) among several other people and one has to go into a real scavenger hunt to put together all the pieces. Sometimes rude, sometimes too direct, yet sometimes too shady, the Stoned still holds the memory of love, a barely burning fire. But one has to have a lot of patience and also has to be a giant to light up that fire. Most people try but they just don’t have what it takes which in return, puts even that dim light out. The Stoned are difficult to handle but because of their silent dualism they are good to have around.

Now, where did I start from? Oh yes, the Single. Me.
I went shopping today. Tired of work I was just looking for something to eat. I was browsing through the isles of merchandise, watching not only the food but also the people. I’ve seen them all: singles, couples, men with the list in their hands trying to decipher what they have to buy, moms dragging their kids along. I was a Spectator. I looked at every detail no matter the importance: the red lips of a woman standing in front of the dairy products choosing the milk, the dirty sock of a kid drooling while looking at cereals, the beer-belly of a tall guy wondering if he should buy two beers or the whole 6-pack, the old granny looking at the prices wondering when did the prices go up so high. I listened to them and on top of the supermarket humming they were the best choir in the world: the cute little baby shouting with all her lungs from a carriage was the soprano in this opera and caring father throwing his voice on a head of kids was the tenor. They all brought a smile to my face and I found myself pretending I’m reading the instructions on the cans just to be closer to them.
But they all showed me that I’ve seen it all. The body language is universal; you can spot from a distance what’s going on: who is more in love, who is bored, who wants a new life and if the couple is fresh or not. Yet, while looking at them, I asked myself: “What do I really want? Do I really want to be in a relationship?” I realized in that split second that I’m a Single that belongs to all types. I was hurt quite some time ago and my soul was burned. I was an Ignorant back then. I’ve hurt and turned to ashes. I was silent a while and slowly, I started listening the sounds and voices. My eyes opened and I’ve started seeing the colors and the beauty around me. I saw the sky, the flowers, the clouds and dirt. I’ve smelled the fresh air of the morning and I’ve cried with the rain. I’ve ran with the clouds and I’ve fallen down with the snowflakes. I’ve sang with the birds and blossomed with flowers. I discovered feelings, I’ve learned how to love and on top of it, I’ve started discovering myself. I became a moss covered Stoned.
Still, “What do I really want? Do I really want to be in a relationship?” I am seldom acting Moronic from time to time just to be left alone. Tired of fighting, tired of searching, I’m too heavy to go with a common flow. I found my own rhythm and I’m dancing and singing on it, hoping perhaps that some will be strong enough to keep up the pace. Do I really want to fight for a “common good”? Am I determined enough for it? I have to be honest first with myself: I don’t know.
A relationship is not only an exchange authority: it’s way more than that. It’s not only loving and caring but also showing it and not being afraid or ashamed of it. It’s not only understanding but also coping with that information that you’re receiving. It’s being next to the other not because she or he meets some criteria, a sinister checklist that has to be ticked, but because you feel that way. Love, feelings are not quantifiable, you cannot break them down into small pieces ready to be analyzed: they are just there. A great poet, who was also a mathematician, once said that “in an enlightened point, geometry meets poetry”, in other words somewhere the concrete, the touchable meets the abstract. Do you agree?
Was I, am I and will I ever be good in this? Maybe. I’ve started learning living with myself and I have the feeling sometimes that I’m a spectator in my own life. In a weird kind of way I’m enjoying both the Beauty and the Beast. I came to realize that if I was to be compared with something I would be a match-stick: lighting up very fast and steadily burn to the end. I will fall in love for the smile in the eyes of the other one. To see the sunrise in her eyes would be my weakness. I will fall in love for kindness and for compassion. I will fall in love with a flower or with a snowflake. I love being in love even though sometimes I’m too cold even for myself.
But I’m tired now. All I ask for is silence. Too hurt, too picky, too cranky, too tired to jump back in the give and take game, too bitter perhaps to care, I’m just laying down looking at the sky watching the clouds go by. I get up; I take few steps, I see a flower, I smell it and lay down again. I’m thinking. I know who I am but don’t care what defines me. I know what I want and I’m slowly getting there. I became wiser.