Two hours and a half ago I was waiting for a sign of life… then my wish came true, I was happy, but not that happy, I was scared, but with hope flying around without a direction. What could I think after a disappointment from my point of view which took place yesterday? I read and just… stood wondering: What’s going on? Did I do something? Does that individual really don't wanna… What? I got an answer:” it’s the exams”, it makes everyone act weird. But our present situation made it worse for me because if everything had dreamed slowly without a care in the world, I’d have stood calm. It wasn’t the case. Yesterday I didn’t know what to believe, thought about the worse situation possible. Now, I guess that…from being the calm person who gives a breath of air to some stressed people, I became one of them. However I am not so overwhelmed that I ain’t able to go outside my own house. Aren’t walks made to refresh your mind, help you think clearer, especially before an exam? I don’t understand how some can just say: I’m gonna stay inside, cause I can’t go outside, I ain’t able to. Oh my God! People, come on!

Anyway, getting back to what bothered me. The moment my best friend told me: I am not feeling alright, I haven’t been ok since a few days ago…. My mind went crazy, I was on my feet and dizziness was a truth from then on. I couldn’t be ok cause she wasn’t. Weird…. An hour later, I saw her online and suddenly had the big urge to become: “available”(status) from “:(:(:(:(((((“. I don’t know why, still that second I felt the need to tell her that I’ll always be by her side, give her my smile when she loses hers, be her strength, energy whenever…no matter what.

Now…Someone told me that I “stick” on people too much. I mean, when someone proves to be a great friend, I mostly see only that individual and want him/her to be happy even if that involves me “forgetting” about others and dedicating myself to him/her. Well… maybe there are some whom I love a great deal…. However I don’t forget others, no way no how.

The thing is that, this friendship has confirmed to be more than just a friendship; it’s a commitment that we took for the rest of our lives. And is there forever? I am sometimes proved that there is, but sometimes not and I think it’s messing with my mind. Right now, I hope that it’s just these exams, our present situation is not pink, and I want it to be. So…. Go go go go go time!!!! I want to wake up on Thursday after the final straw has been taken out.

So many things have happened… what I can say for sure: the 12th of June was the happiest day of my life, and …that day was the most heart-breaking ever. But this has nothing to do with what I’ve been writing until now. It just popped in my head.


Here’s the question: does it worth loving someone who has proved to be the best friend ever, !needing that person to be around you as much as possible when there’s a chance to lose her because of life and therefore suffer more than you could ever imagine?


Monday, 02 July 2007

23:23:19