I guess I was inocent when I said I believed in faith..in love, in feelings and other things that are far away from all the material stuff. But now I found myself lost in a world with values that have nothing to do with me or my ideas. I guess that I lost 20 years searching for something that doesn't exist and now I am empty, lonely, alone. I wonder what is left when you've lost youself amd you are depersonalized, a lie wondering around in the middle of nothing. I think I wanted to talk about love, about the idea of love, of losing, of realising that a human life is less important than money, han a car, than an expensive meal...
What is love? Because I can not deny that my life was and is made of love...and that the love turned against me...
I guess I fall in love with a tree because it looks funny, with a voice that I hear by mistake, with an image that occurs only for a moment through the window while you drive, or just run somewhere, not knowing where you are heading...I believe I'm full of these "loves" that for a moment make you think that life and people are beautiful and that perfection exists somewhere...lost in me, in you, in nature, in a piece of gum on the street...everywhere...
These are moments rthat come and go...moments you remember from now and then when you try to sleep or only dream with your eyes open...Moments that don't stick to you...
But what happens when love is more than all these things?When love comes and becomes you, becomes the blood running through your body, the tears that you cry wheather you are happy or sad, the hug that can cure anything....What if all these become you?What if you live a dream that seems endless?
And...what if you realize that dreams are not for survivors, are not for winners, are not for our days? What happens when you realise that nobody dreams anymore but you?What happens when you just don't fit anymore anywhere? What happens when that love choses money or a car, or anythug else instead of you laughing while running away and saing that what has beginig has an end and htat love is just a thing you do from now and then????
I wish I woke up someday and find myself cold and angry...with the taste of money and power in my feelingless body...I wish I was different, I wish people didn't count for me...I wish I could become a robot, like anybody else around me...I just wish...